INTRODUCTION: THE BIG SIGNING
The President Signs An Order, Reporters Sign Autographs — And Antifa Signs Up For A Crisis PR Class. Punchline: their first homework is "How To Not Look Like A Mob."
THE CHARGE SHEET
The Order Reads Like A Very Angry To-Do List — Investigate, Disrupt, Dismantle — And Maybe Replace Their Group Chat With A Webinar. Punchline: Zoom Bombing Now Felony Level.
THE EVIDENCE
Ammo Casings With Slogans—Apparently Antifa Now Comes With Custom Engraving. Punchline: Next Up, Monogrammed Riots.
THE WORLD REACTS
Europe Says "We’ll Copy That" Like Kids Swapping Lunchables. Punchline: Hungary Offers Matching Scarves.
CONCLUSION: TRIUMPHANT NOTE
The White House Declares Victory; The Republic Declares Order; And Normal People Declare: Finally — Government Doing Government Things. Punchline: MAGA Hats Now Eligible For Official Badge Status. Breitbart
(Satire — exaggeration and parody based on reporting.)
