HARRIS LOSES THE ULTIMATE PARTICIPATION TROPHY
Trump ended Kamala’s Secret Service with one stroke of the pen. Harris reportedly gasped, “But how will I practice my fake laughs without agents to pretend it’s funny?”
BIDEN’S SECRET SECURITY HACK EXPOSED
Turns out Biden secretly extended her protection before being tossed aside by his own party. Democrats defended it, saying, “Nothing screams transparency like a classified safety blanket.”
BOOK TOUR OR HUNGER GAMES?
Harris now prepares for her “107 Days” memoir tour — a title that accidentally describes how long anyone can tolerate her speeches before collapsing. She insists, “Every venue will be a safe space… unless Trump shows up.”
TRUMP’S FINAL MIC DROP
Trump declared, “She wanted open borders? Fine. Let’s see how she enjoys an open perimeter.” MAGA Nation roared while Kamala frantically googled “How to Hire Mall Cops on Craigslist.”
