POWELL’S INTEREST RATE HOSTAGE SITUATION
In what economists call “a standoff between a man with a rate cut and a man with a pen,” Powell refuses to slash rates like they’re calories in Gavin Newsom’s smoothie.
BUDDY CARTER’S MAGA EXTERMINATOR BILL
Rep. Buddy Carter proposes legalizing “Powell Removal,” saying the Fed chair has been “too slow to save America” and “too quick to ruin Thanksgiving dinner.”
TRUMP’S DREAM HIRE: A PATRIOTIC ATM
Sources say Trump plans to replace Powell with “an ATM that salutes” and only dispenses cash when Lee Greenwood is playing.
POWELL’S EXIT STRATEGY
Powell has reportedly started Googling “remote island banking jobs” and “how to look unemployed but classy.”
MAGA VICTORY LAP
If passed, the bill will ensure that no Fed chair can block Trump’s economic fireworks — and the Dow will rise higher than AOC’s taxpayer-funded avocado toast bill.
