THE KING WHO DOESN’T WANT A CROWN
Democrats staged “No Kings” rallies across several vegan districts, waving brand-new Soros-funded signs still smelling of ink and entitlement.
THE SOROS ROYAL WORKSHOP
Eyewitnesses say protest organizers were spotted unboxing matching signs from a truck labeled Made in China, Funded by George. Nancy Pelosi reportedly knighted a protest leader with a reusable straw.
THE PEOPLE’S REVOLUTION OF iPHONES
Crowds chanted “No Kings!” while livestreaming on their $1,200 devices — proof they oppose tyranny, unless it’s Apple’s.
THE MAN WHO WORKS HIS ASS OFF
Trump, meanwhile, reminded reporters that unlike any king, he actually works. “A king has servants,” he said, “I have the press — and they’re worse.”
AMERICA FIRST, ALWAYS
As liberals protest democracy’s workload, Trump’s out proving leadership isn’t inherited — it’s earned, with sweat, sarcasm, and a schedule no monarch could survive.
