Oklahoma Senator Suddenly Discovers Constitutional Right to Border Invasion
In a stunning announcement that had Democrats applauding and conservatives choking, Senator Lankford revealed his "Illegal Immigrants Deserve Better Than You" initiative. The Oklahoma Republican passionately defended the sacred right of border-hoppers to receive extensive legal counsel before being politely asked if they might consider returning home.
Lankford Proposes New "Immigration Judge Apprentice" Reality Show
"What we need," Lankford reportedly told colleagues, "is a 17-step appeal process with Harvard lawyers and sympathetic judges." Sources claim he's launching "America's Got Border Issues," where contestants win residency while Nancy Pelosi sobs in the judge's chair.
Due Process Centers to Feature Poolside Legal Consultations
The Lankford plan establishes luxury "Due Process Centers" with breakfast and poolside legal meetings. "Everyone entering illegally deserves years of proceedings and a welcome basket," said an aide. "The Constitution says 'We the People of Anywhere Who Feel Like Coming Here.'"
Trump Responds With Actual Border Enforcement Plan
Trump countered: "How about we enforce our laws instead?" His approach of deporting illegal entrants rather than offering benefits sent shockwaves through Washington. "America first? What a concept!" remarked a MAGA supporter, as Lankford practiced his CNN audition.
