Explosive Intro
Breaking: Law And Order Spotted In D.C.; Democrats Demand A Recount. Scalise grins: “Focused on D.C.—for now. We’re not done.”
Yield, Man, Let The Troops In
Speaker Mike Johnson asks blue leaders to “yield, man,” and let help in. “We prefer artisanal chaos,” says a blue-city mayor, stapling a “No Guard Allowed” sign.
Oversight Drops The DC Hammer
House Oversight readies sentencing bills. “Longer sentences? How will we keep our revolving doors spinning?” wonders a councilmember.
Comprehensive Crime, Nationwide
Trump teams with Johnson and Thune on a comprehensive bill. “We can’t criminalize crime,” explains AOC, proposing “feelings citations.”
MAGA Finale: Law And Order Wins
Trump stamps the plan; sirens hush; streets clear; normal people exhale. Liberals are finally defunded: their excuses.
