Hollywood veteran and self-designated cultural archaeologist Rob “Deuce Bigalow” Schneider took time off from diagnosing the entertainment industry’s moral rot to unveil an unexpected business venture: Rotwood Studios & Theme Park. That’s right — after famously declaring that conservative actors are blacklisted and the industry is collapsing under its own woke weight, Schneider says the “rot” isn’t just a problem — it’s an experience.
“It’s like Disneyland,” Schneider explained earnestly, “but instead of rides, you watch movies no one remembers, and you can attend panels on how conservative humor once existed.” The pitch deck reportedly includes attractions like The Woke Rollercoaster, Blacklisted Celebrities’ Hall of Fame, and Exit Through the Gift Shop of Lost Careers.
Schneider’s critics, who include literally everyone who hasn’t signed an NDA, were skeptical. One studio executive commented anonymously, “We thought he was talking about systemic industry issues. Turns out he just wants to sell funnel cakes shaped like canceled movie posters.”
According to Schneider, Hollywood’s moral rot started when Instagram filters became more powerful than screenwriting talent — a moment he calls “The Great Blur.” This prompted a cascade of self-inflicted industry failures, including sequels nobody asked for and cinematic universes so tangled they required their own IRS filing. “When they said ‘Welcome to the multiverse,’ I thought they meant storytelling possibility,” Schneider lamented. “Turns out they just lost the plot.”
Schneider insists that conservatives aren’t so much blacklisted as they are redirected — like Amazon shipments sent to the wrong address. “It’s all an efficient logistics network,” he said, hands flailing in what witnesses described as “a very dramatic interpretive dance.” His vision includes a museum exhibit titled Artifacts From Films That Never Got Made Because Someone Tweeted a Joke.
In his keynote speech at the Rotwood unveiling — which just happened to be held in a vacant warehouse formerly leased by Paramount — Schneider declared that Hollywood’s downfall is a blessing in disguise. “Look,” he said, “when social media influencers with no acting experience get more screen time than trained thespians, you know it’s time to pivot.”
Theme park economists are baffled. “Usually you theme parks around things people enjoy,” said one analyst. “But Rotwood Studios? It’s like building a park dedicated to expired coupons.”
Schneider concluded his announcement by unveiling the Rotwood Garden of Forgotten Scripts, where visitors can mourn unrealized sequels like Deuce Bigalow 6: The Spa Day and Hot Chick: The Retirement Home Years. “It’s about remembrance,” Schneider noted. “And maybe a churro.” Industry observers marvel: When Hollywood collapses into satire so complete it becomes a tourist trap, even the rot starts to look intentional.
