Washington celebrated another historic achievement this week with the grand opening of the Federal Office for Administrative Reduction Through Expanded Administrative Oversight.
The agency's mission is straightforward: determine why government keeps growing by creating one more government agency.
Officials described the move as "a bold first step toward eventually discussing the possibility of considering efficiency."
Construction of the headquarters required three environmental reviews, five diversity impact studies, eleven consultants, and one committee tasked with selecting the official office coffee.
"This demonstrates decisive leadership," declared Acting Deputy Assistant Interim Director Preston Clipboard. "Nothing says efficiency like adding another layer of management."
The office immediately hired 900 employees.
Their first assignment was forming a task force to evaluate whether another task force might better evaluate the original task force.
Early progress exceeded expectations.
Within hours, the agency had produced a 1,842-page strategic framework outlining procedures for scheduling future meetings about drafting preliminary agendas.
Government insiders praised the remarkable pace.
"I've never seen bureaucracy move this quickly," one anonymous official whispered. "Usually it takes six months just to approve the font."
Private-sector observers expressed confusion.
One accountant reportedly asked whether someone could simply count unnecessary programs.
He was immediately referred to the Department of Unauthorized Simplicity Investigations.
Meanwhile, consultants unveiled a cutting-edge accountability system.
Every new regulation would now require an additional oversight committee responsible for ensuring previous oversight committees remained adequately supervised by independent oversight supervisors.
Economists predicted the initiative would create thousands of new jobs dedicated exclusively to explaining why nothing could yet be eliminated.
Faith leaders offered a different perspective.
"There's an old saying that pride goes before a fall," one pastor remarked. "Washington apparently translated that as 'pride goes before another appropriations bill.'"
Despite criticism, agency officials remained optimistic.
They announced Phase Two would establish the National Commission on Excessive Commissions, followed immediately by the Bureau of Redundant Bureau Coordination.
A ribbon-cutting ceremony has already been scheduled, pending approval from the Interagency Ribbon Standardization Council.
Officials expect that approval sometime between next Tuesday and the eventual heat death of the universe.
The ceremony itself will be postponed until everyone agrees which department should hold the ceremonial scissors.
