THE MULLAH WHO WOULD BE MEME
In an epic plot twist, Iranian officials are contemplating ejecting their "Supreme Leader" like a defective toaster. One anonymous source said, “We’ve tried plugging him into different outlets, but he just sputters ‘Death to America’ and passes out.”
KREMLIN CUSTOMER SERVICE: YOUR SUPREME LEADER IS ON HOLD
Desperate for help, Khamenei allegedly left 47 voicemails on Putin’s hotline. According to one leaked message: “Vlad, bro, we’re getting bombed. Can we borrow a nuke or, like, a tank? I’ll name my next grandson after you.” Kremlin officials reportedly replied with a single emoji: 🧊.
IRAN’S STRATEGY: FIGHT EVERYONE, WIN NOWHERE
Iran vowed “serious retaliation,” then accidentally launched a missile into its own PR department. Analysts say Tehran’s strategy appears to be: “Yell at clouds, hope for the best.” One Iranian general stated, “We’re fighting Israel, America, Netflix, and gluten.”
PUTIN TO KHAMENEI: “HAVE YOU TRIED NOT LOSING?”
Putin, between shirtless bear rides, called U.S. strikes “groundless” and advised Iran to “stop acting like Pelosi at a gun show.” He clarified Russia's support would remain “spiritual,” citing Orthodox prayers and vague arm gestures.
TRUMP RESPONDS: “I’D DEPOSE KHAMENEI MYSELF, BUT I’M BUSY SAVING AMERICA”
While Ayatollahs implode and Putin shrugs, Trump issued a statement: “Khamenei? Never heard of her. But if he wants tips on staying powerful in your 80s, he should call me.”
