Gabbard Drops Truth Bomb, Swamp Reaches For Hazmat Suits
Tulsi Gabbard, part-time congresswoman and full-time threat to the Deep State, met with DOJ prosecutors this week — presumably after triple-checking the brakes on her car. Her crime? Daring to ask what in Hillary’s Hard Drive actually happened in 2016.
DOJ Requests “All Evidence That Makes Us Look Bad”
In a stunning show of self-awareness, a DOJ prosecutor sent a polite letter requesting everything Gabbard has on the Russiagate fantasy. Sources confirm it was printed in Comic Sans and signed “Sincerely, Totally Not Panicking.”
Obama-Era Officials Reportedly Found Hiding In Martha’s Vineyard Panic Room
When asked for comment, one anonymous source (definitely not named Brennan) said, “We never expected anyone to actually read the declassified stuff. Who even does that?”
Hillary Reportedly Furious Gabbard Still Allowed In Public
Insiders claim Hillary Clinton immediately tried to hire the FBI to investigate Tulsi’s hair. “Nobody is that naturally well-spoken unless they’re Russian,” Clinton allegedly muttered while deleting another yoga schedule.
Trump Smiles, Declares “Told You So” In Five Languages
As Gabbard moves closer to unmasking the swampy underbelly of Russiagate, Trump responded with a triumphant Truth Social post: “They spied on me. They lied about me. Now they’re crying to Tulsi. Sad!”
