Hassett Declares Fed Independent; Media Orders Panic At Once

Shock And Awe

Heresy alert: Kevin Hassett said plainly, “Monetary policy must be independent”—“including from President Trump.” Heads exploded.

Poll Yoga, Flexible Minds

70% want independence; 59% of Republicans want Trump guidance. A CBS pollster whispered, “It’s Schrödinger’s Fed—free and following, depending on the segment.”

Inflation Soufflé, Courtesy Congress

Hassett warned: letting politicians run central banks is a “recipe for inflation.” Democrats cheered, “Perfect—grandma’s hyperinflation soufflé!” A hearing affirmed “independence” between fundraising calls.

Debt, Drama, And Desk Fans

$37 trillion towers. Trump wants cuts to juice growth; media screams “dictator.” Powell sips seltzer. Lisa Cook lawyers up. “For cause” now on tote bags.

MAGA Means Prosperity, Not Priesthood

Keep the Fed independent, demand transparency, grow the real economy. Trump wants paychecks up, prices down. MAGA > technocrat fairy dust. See you at cheaper gas.

Source: Fox Business (Sept. 8, 2025)

This content is a work of satire and parody. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Any opinions expressed in this content do not reflect the views of the author or publisher. In fact, they probably reflect the opposite of the views of the author or publisher. The purpose of this content is to entertain and possibly make you question the reality of the world around you. So please, don't take anything too seriously, unless it's the importance of a good laugh.
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