The federal government announced Monday that the White House will be permanently converted into an official UFC Octagon after experts concluded it already functions that way.
The decision comes after a nationally televised mixed martial arts event on the White House grounds convinced many Americans that the distinction between politics and cage fighting had become largely theoretical.
Architects unveiled plans to remove the Rose Garden and replace it with a championship belt display case.
Meanwhile, the Cabinet Room will reportedly become the official weigh-in center for congressional hearings.
"This change simply acknowledges reality," explained White House spokesperson Brock Henderson. "For years we've watched senators verbally choke-slam each other on cable news. The building should reflect its purpose."
Political analysts agreed.
"Congress already settles most disputes through trash talk, grandstanding, and dramatic entrances," said one government scholar. "Adding referees is actually a reform."
The proposal includes several modernization measures.
State of the Union addresses will now begin with walkout music.
Lobbyists will be required to enter through a tunnel while commentators discuss their odds.
Members of Congress wishing to filibuster must now do so while surviving five rounds against a retired middleweight champion.
The American public reportedly supports the changes.
"I trust politicians more if they can successfully escape a rear naked choke," said Ohio voter Kyle Simmons. "At least then I know they've accomplished something."
Several media outlets expressed concern that democracy could be undermined.
Others admitted viewers might finally watch committee hearings voluntarily.
International leaders are also adapting.
The G7 is reportedly considering replacing diplomatic summits with pay-per-view events.
French President Emmanuel Macron allegedly requested a lightweight division.
Meanwhile, Canadian officials are seeking an exemption based on excessive politeness.
Religious leaders attempted to calm public concerns.
"Politics has always been a contact sport," said Pastor David Reynolds. "We're just surprised they finally stopped pretending otherwise."
At press time, approval ratings had surged after Americans learned every government shutdown would now be settled through a title fight rather than six months of televised whining.
