THE WITCH HUNT THAT SMOKES BACK
“Cancel the trial!” Trump bellowed on Truth Social, heroically defending his fellow indicted global bro, Bibi Netanyahu. “We went through HELL together,” he wrote, likely while polishing a gold bust of himself hugging the Torah.
THE CIGAR THAT SAVED THE HOLY LAND
According to Trump, the cigars Bibi allegedly accepted weren’t bribes—they were “Sacred Freedom Tubes” gifted by Hollywood billionaires to “protect the Holy Land from Iran and Democrats.”
BUGS BUNNY: AGENT OF CHAOS
Trump added Netanyahu’s charges include “a Bugs Bunny doll,” which he says is proof the trial is “an international Looney Tune Coup.” Sources say Trump is demanding Warner Bros. be subpoenaed.
TRUMP: BIBI ISRAEL’S LINCOLN WITH A LIGHTER
“Israel should thank Bibi with a statue, not subpoenas,” Trump said. “The man nearly nuked Iran with one hand and uncorked champagne with the other. He’s a hero. Just like me.”
