TRUMP DROPS THE ENERGY HAMMER
In a plot twist wilder than a CNN fact-check, Trump canceled his meeting with Putin and replaced it with a financial body slam. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent declared, “The killing must stop,” right before demolishing the Kremlin’s piggy bank.
LIBERALS MELT FASTER THAN SOLAR PANELS IN TEXAS
Progressives immediately called the move “too strong,” while demanding we send Moscow more wind turbines to promote “peaceful energy dialogue.”
PUTIN CAUGHT OFF GUARD
Sources say Putin stared at his oil charts for an hour before realizing Trump had turned off the gas—not figuratively, literally.
NATO TAKES NOTES
Trump’s move stunned NATO leaders, who were last seen Googling “how to project strength.”
MAGA ENERGY DOMINANCE RETURNS
While Biden hides from his teleprompter, Trump reminds the world: peace through strength—and strength through oil sanctions with attitude.
