Trump Ends Middle East War; CNN Reports “Global Warming Mostly Responsible”

by: Editor-in-Chief
Oct. 13, 2025
Source: CNBC
10/14/2025

President Donald Trump by Daniel Torok is licensed under White House White House

THE HORROR OF PEACE

CNBC’s anchors reportedly collapsed on-air, gasping that “this can’t be happening.” Producers scrambled to find footage of explosions to “balance the narrative.”

REUTERS IN RECOVERY

Reuters issued a 600-word correction clarifying that “while the war appears over, Trump probably did it wrong.” Anonymous sources confirmed the ceasefire “lacks gender inclusivity.”

CNN’S MELTDOWN SPECIAL

Jake Tapper demanded “peer-reviewed data” proving Trump hadn’t personally waterboarded the word “peace” into submission.

TRUMP’S TRIUMPH

Meanwhile, Trump—greeted by cheers in Israel—simply smiled and said, “You’re welcome.” The press screamed, “Dictator!” America laughed.

MAGA MIC DROP

Once again, Trump achieved what “experts” said was impossible. The media mourned the loss of their favorite war; Trump called it “Monday.”

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