In what many in D.C. described as “Groundhog Day meets gavel,” the U.S. Supreme Court dropped a pair of potentially world-shaping rulings today — although half the country isn’t sure what they ruled, when they ruled it, or whether the judges used real coffee or decaf. The mood on the Hill was somewhere between celebration and trying to decode ancient hieroglyphs.
First up was the long-teased decision on former President Trump’s global tariffs, which some justices reportedly thought were a hot new take-out dish rather than an economic policy. After the Court spent weeks deciding whether invoking the International Emergency Economic Powers Act for tariffs was lawful, the majority mostly agreed it was … but also kind of wasn’t … and maybe they’ll explain it later. Legal scholars say this is likely the judicial equivalent of shrugging.
Simultaneously, the Court issued another opinion on Section 2 of the Voting Rights Act — the very provision that supposedly protects minority voters from maps that dilute their power. The justices appeared to side with arguments that treat some redistricting challenges like gym membership cancellations: tricky, ambiguous, and ultimately up to the fine print. “We looked at the language,” one clerk whispered, “and then we asked Siri what it should mean.”
The public response has been equal parts confusion and déjà vu. One political commentator noted, “This ruling feels like déjà vu, but with more footnotes. It’s like the Court’s saying, ‘We could rule on the law, but we’d rather rule on your suspense.’”
Meanwhile, outside the courtroom, Capitol Hill staffers were overheard debating whether today’s rulings meant everything changes or nothing changes — which, in Congress, is roughly the same thing.
One enthusiastic aide summarized the national mood as: “If you can’t read the Opinion of the Court, it’s probably because we’re supposed to read between the Opinions of the Court.”
Final punchline? In Washington these days, the Supreme Court’s decisions are the story — and the mystery at the same time.
