RUSSIA LOSES ITS CHILL
When Trump said he didn’t want a “wasted meeting,” Moscow reportedly lost power for three hours from sheer embarrassment. The Kremlin called it “routine humility maintenance.”
DEMOCRATS SEE A CONSPIRACY
Chuck Schumer declared, “This proves Trump is colluding with not colluding!” while Pelosi demanded a congressional inquiry into “whatever happened in Hungary.”
RUBIO’S MOMENT OF ACCIDENTAL DIPLOMACY
Secretary of State Marco Rubio accidentally brokered world peace for six minutes before Democrats demanded he apologize for it.
CNN’S MELTDOWN MINUTE
CNN ran a special called “How Trump’s Calendar Threatens Global Stability.” Anchor Don Lemon wept openly when he realized Trump had just scheduled lunch instead of war.
MAGA MIC DROP
Trump shrugged, canceled the meeting, and said, “America doesn’t do wasted time.” Meanwhile, Putin lit a candle and whispered, “He’s so alpha.”
