Well, folks, welcome to the latest episode of "Progressive Policies in Action," where up is down, left is right, and boys are the new girls' track champions. In the great state of Oregon, we've reached a new pinnacle of inclusivity: biological males clinching titles in female sports categories.
Enter Lia Rose, formerly known as Zachary. Once upon a time, Zachary couldn't quite make it past last place in junior varsity boys' high jump competitions. Fast forward to today, and Lia is soaring to first place in the varsity girls' high jump, clearing 4 feet, 8 inches—two inches higher than the nearest female competitor. It's amazing what a change of category can do for one's athletic performance.
Not to be outdone, Ada Gallagher, another transgender athlete, has been leaving female runners in the dust. At a recent meet, Ada finished the 400-meter race in 57.62 seconds, a staggering seven seconds ahead of the closest female competitor. In the 200-meter dash, Ada clocked in at 25.76 seconds, securing yet another decisive victory. One can't help but marvel at the sheer dominance displayed here.
The Oregon School Activities Association (OSAA) proudly supports these developments, allowing students to participate in sports according to their "consistently asserted gender identity." This policy is designed to promote harmony and fair competition. Because nothing says fair competition like pitting biological males against females in athletic events.
Meanwhile, female athletes are left to wonder why they bother training so hard when the playing field is anything but level. But hey, as long as we're championing inclusivity, who cares about fairness, right?
In response to this madness, President Trump's Executive Order 14201, aptly titled "Keeping Men out of Women's Sports," aims to protect female athletes from having to compete against biological males. Oregon Republicans are now looking to revise state policies to align with this order. It's about time someone stood up for the integrity of women's sports.
So here we are, folks. In the name of progress, we've managed to turn women's sports into a showcase for male athletes who couldn't cut it in their own category. But remember, questioning this narrative makes you a bigot. Welcome to 2025, where fairness is optional, and reality is negotiable.
