In a bold step toward what officials describe as “freedom through supervision,” the White House announced the formation of a new federal task force designed to combat the growing threat of Americans expressing the wrong opinions online.
According to administration officials, the task force will focus on identifying “misinformation,” “disinformation,” and the especially dangerous category known as “information we just don’t like right now.” The group will reportedly include experts from academia, social media platforms, and at least three people who once moderated a Facebook moms’ group.
“This is about safeguarding democracy,” said one unnamed official while quietly adjusting a fact-checking label. “When citizens are exposed to unapproved thoughts, it creates confusion. Confused people ask questions. And as we’ve learned, questions are a gateway drug to wrong conclusions.”
The task force will monitor social media platforms for problematic content, including posts that challenge official narratives, share inconvenient statistics, or contain phrases such as “do your own research.” Early drafts of the guidelines reportedly flag memes as a “Level-One Threat” and sarcastic memes as “borderline domestic extremism.”
Administration spokespeople insist the initiative is not censorship, noting that citizens remain free to say whatever they want—as long as it has already been approved by the government, major media outlets, and a rotating panel of public health experts.
“This is not about silencing dissent,” said one task force advisor. “It’s about amplifying truth, especially the kind that changes every six to eight months.”
Critics expressed concern that the task force blurs the line between protecting public discourse and policing thought. Officials quickly reassured them that no such line exists anymore.
Religious leaders were also consulted, mainly to ensure sermons would not accidentally contradict any evolving federal guidance. One leaked memo reportedly warned pastors to avoid phrases like “absolute truth,” “moral certainty,” and “what the Bible says,” describing them as “potentially destabilizing.”
Social media companies welcomed the announcement, praising the government for finally taking responsibility for content moderation while also somehow still blaming the platforms when anything goes wrong.
“This partnership allows us to continue pretending we’re private companies while acting like public utilities,” said a tech executive. “It’s really the best of both worlds.”
At press time, the task force confirmed it was already reviewing millions of posts, beginning with anyone who asked why a task force was needed in the first place.
