In what can only be described as the most earth-shattering revelation since the invention of the mute button, Barack Obama’s former Canadian ambassador has come forward with explosive details about his Zoom chats with none other than Hunter Biden. That’s right, folks—while you were using Zoom for family game nights and work meetings, Hunter and Ambassador David Jacobson were apparently saving the world—or at least trying to, when the WiFi wasn't acting up.
According to Jacobson, these virtual gatherings weren’t about trivial matters like diplomatic relations or Canada’s feelings (does anyone even ask Canada how it's doing these days?). Instead, they were all about the “big picture.” Translation: If you're looking for strategic conversations about how to bail Hunter out of his latest misadventure, you’re in the right place.
Rumor has it, between discussions on how to handle the sticky subject of Ukrainian energy deals and art auctions featuring Hunter’s ahem masterpieces, they shared insider tips on the hottest stocks to invest in—probably right before they sank.
But let’s get real. What does a former Canadian ambassador know about energy? Especially one from an Obama administration that thought it would be super cool to shut down coal plants and embrace windmills like they were the future of all mankind. Apparently, not a lot, since these Zoom calls seem to have focused more on getting Hunter out of sticky situations than on solving actual problems.
And let's not forget the technical difficulties that surely plagued these high-level chats. Can you imagine? Hunter, cigarette in hand, trying to figure out how to unmute himself, while the ambassador frantically adjusts his camera, hoping to appear more “professional” as they discussed the deep, dark secrets of world diplomacy. All while a cat filter somehow made its way onto the screen, of course.
In conclusion, folks, we should all take comfort in the knowledge that critical global matters are being handled by this dynamic duo—from the comfort of their couches, no less. If this doesn’t restore your faith in the future of diplomacy, I’m not sure what will. Stay tuned for the next episode of Zoomed Out with Hunter and Friends.
