CHINESE DREAMS OF AMERICAN CHIPS
Huang, wearing his trademark Matrix cosplay jacket, told Fox Business he’s “optimistic” Trump will let him funnel superchips to Beijing. Rumor is he promised Xi a free download of “Clippy 2.0.”
AI WILL “ENRICH OUR LIVES”
Huang declared AI an “industrial revolution,” while conveniently forgetting revolutions usually involve guillotines, not GPUs.
JOBS VANISH, BUT BUY STOCK ANYWAY
“Some jobs will go away,” he shrugged, as if announcing Taco Bell was out of napkins. Wall Street cheered.
GLOBAL STANDARD, JUST LIKE DOLLAR MENU
Huang dreams of American chips everywhere—like McDonald’s fries, only hotter and more expensive.
MAGA WINS THE TECH WAR
Trump grinned: “As long as American chips make China dependent on us, I’ll allow it. But Jensen, lose the leather jacket—it looks like Pelosi picked it.”
