SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a groundbreaking discovery, local man Gary Butterfield (42) has stumbled upon a forgotten relic of the ancient past: news. While scrolling through his usual feed of outrage-inducing tweets and sponsored cat videos, Butterfield accidentally clicked on a website whose content wasn't solely determined by an algorithm programmed to maximize his rage.
"I thought it was an elaborate prank at first," Butterfield admitted, still slightly bewildered. "I saw articles about things that hadn't already been boiled down to a 15-second TikTok clip with overly dramatic music."
The website, identified as "The New York Times," apparently offered in-depth reporting on various topics, from international politics to local community events. "It was... kinda overwhelming," Butterfield confessed. "So many words, and they weren't even yelling at each other!"
Experts believe Butterfield's experience could mark a turning point in human evolution. "This could be the first recorded case of someone actively seeking out information rather than passively consuming whatever the internet throws at them," said Dr. Amelia Factchecker, a leading scholar in digital media literacy.
However, some remain skeptical. "Sounds suspicious," muttered a nearby conspiracy theorist wearing a tinfoil hat. "Probably just another attempt by Big Media to control our minds."
Despite the potential risks, Butterfield remains determined to explore this brave new world of unfiltered information. "It's scary, but also kinda exciting," he said. "Who knows, maybe I'll even learn something new today."
Sources report that Butterfield subsequently purchased a physical newspaper, causing widespread panic among millennials who mistook it for a giant napkin.
