Chinese Buyers Buy America One Mansion at a Time While Americans Tour Cardboard Box Communities

by: Editor-in-Chief
07/17/2025
Source: Fox Business
07/17/2025

China by shark ovski is licensed under Unsplash unsplash.com

RED ALERT: CALIFORNIA NOW PRONOUNCED “KAO-LI-FOR-NYA”

According to the latest figures, Chinese investors bought $13.7 billion worth of American homes while average Americans debated whether they could afford two-ply toilet paper. Real estate experts call it a “market opportunity.” Regular Americans call it “living in Mom’s basement at 47.”

HOLLYWOOD HILLS NOW A MANDARIN-ONLY ZONE

With 36% of these purchases in California and 9% in New York, experts predict “Real Housewives of Shanghai: Beverly Hills Edition” could premiere by 2026. Gavin Newsom, thrilled by the foreign attention, is reportedly considering switching to yuan.

FINAL SALE: COUNTRY NOW LISTED ON ALIBABA

While Americans hustle three side gigs to afford a shoebox apartment, Chinese elites tour penthouses with gold-plated bidets. But don’t worry — under Trump 47, America will stop being for sale and start being First again.

This content is a work of satire and parody. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Any opinions expressed in this content do not reflect the views of the author or publisher. In fact, they probably reflect the opposite of the views of the author or publisher. The purpose of this content is to entertain and possibly make you question the reality of the world around you. So please, don't take anything too seriously, unless it's the importance of a good laugh.