WRAY’S MAGICAL MEMORY WIPE
In a stunning display of selective amnesia, former FBI Director Christopher Wray reportedly misplaced a 2020 intelligence report warning of a Chinese plot to elect Joe Biden. "It was filed right between 'Hunter's Laptop' and 'Epstein Surveillance Tapes,'" Wray allegedly quipped while sipping kombucha through a Fauci-approved mask.
THE CHINESE DID IT — BUT SHHH!
According to newly uncovered documents, the FBI learned that the CCP was working overtime to boost Biden, offering him “ten percent for the Big Guy and lifetime access to TikTok filters.” Instead of blowing the whistle, Wray apparently handed the CCP a whiteboard and asked, “Any suggestions for 2024?”
TRAD CATHOLICS VS. DOMESTIC TERRORISTS
While ignoring communists tinkering with democracy, Wray's FBI boldly focused on actual threats—like grandmas praying the Rosary. Sources claim he confused the Vatican with a QAnon sleeper cell. “I just followed the incense,” Wray reportedly told Congress. “Very suspicious stuff.”
TRUMP WAS RIGHT — SO HE HAD TO BE SILENCED
The Blaze reports that if this report had surfaced in 2020, it would've vindicated President Trump and Bill Barr. Which, of course, would’ve violated the sacred media doctrine: “Orange Man Always Wrong.” Thus, the evidence had to be buried deeper than Hillary’s email server.
MAGA MIC DROP
With a criminal referral now in motion, it looks like Wray may soon get a free tour of the DOJ's accountability dungeon. As for Trump? He just laughed, pointed to the scoreboard, and muttered, “Told ya so.” America First. China Last. FBI? Under review.
