In a move that has left many scratching their heads and others rolling on the floor laughing (or crying), President Joe Biden has unveiled his secret weapon for securing victory in the upcoming election: inviting aliens... and not the extraterrestrial kind.
After a series of disappointing poll numbers and a political climate hotter than a Texas summer, Biden and his team have come to the brilliant conclusion that the only way to clinch the win is to bypass traditional voters altogether and tap into a demographic that, until now, has been largely untapped: illegal aliens.
"It's genius, really," remarked one anonymous White House aide, stifling a giggle. "Why bother trying to win over American citizens when you can just import your own voters?"
The plan, codenamed "Operation Alien Ballot," involves a multi-pronged approach to not only encourage illegal immigrants to cross the border but also to fast-track their citizenship and voter registration processes. Some of the key components include:
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Border BBQs: Instead of the usual border patrols and security measures, the administration will now host regular barbecues and fiestas along the southern border. "Who needs a wall when you've got tacos and tequila?" quipped Biden at a recent press conference.
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Citizenship Express Lane: Forget waiting years for citizenship. Under Biden's plan, illegal immigrants will be fast-tracked through the citizenship process faster than you can say "Si, se puede!"
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Voter Registration on Arrival: Upon crossing the border, immigrants will be greeted with voter registration forms and a complimentary "I Voted" sticker. "Why waste time?" Biden mused. "They're already here, might as well get 'em registered!"
Unsurprisingly, the plan has drawn sharp criticism from Republicans and even some moderate Democrats. "This is blatant voter manipulation," cried one GOP lawmaker. "It's like a bad episode of 'The Twilight Zone,' only instead of aliens taking over the planet, it's politicians!"
But Biden remains undeterred, confident that his unorthodox strategy will lead him to victory once again. "We're not just thinking outside the box," he declared, a twinkle in his eye. "We're thinking outside the galaxy!"
As the election season heats up, one thing is for certain: with Biden's alien allies by his side, anything is possible. So buckle up, America. It's gonna be a wild ride.
