In a bold pivot from “inflation reduction” to “inflation appreciation,” the White House this week unveiled a new economic messaging strategy rebranding rising prices as “Affordable Luxury Inflation,” a term officials say better reflects the aspirational nature of paying more for everything.
“Americans aren’t struggling,” said one senior economic adviser while standing bravely near a $14 sandwich. “They’re participating in an elevated consumer experience. When you pay $9 for eggs, you’re not broke. You’re refined.”
The rebrand comes after fresh economic reports showed prices continuing to climb in key sectors like groceries, housing, and the emotional stability industry. Rather than deny the numbers, administration officials have reportedly decided to “lean in” — much like Americans leaning in to see if there’s anything left in their bank accounts.
Treasury spokespeople clarified that inflation is no longer a “burden” but a “badge of honor.”
“Previous generations fought wars,” one official explained. “This generation fights sticker shock. It’s character-building.”
A new White House infographic titled ‘Your Wallet, But Make It Vogue’ encourages citizens to think of higher gas prices as “boutique fuel experiences.” Meanwhile, grocery bills are now being described as “farm-to-table investment opportunities.”
Not everyone is convinced.
“I went to buy cereal and had to apply for financing,” said Ohio father Mark Reynolds. “If this is luxury, I’d like to downgrade to poverty.”
Still, administration allies in the media praised the pivot as “linguistically innovative.” One cable news analyst described the strategy as “a masterclass in redefining reality before reality redefines you.”
Faith leaders, however, have gently reminded Americans that contentment does not require a second mortgage. “The Apostle Paul learned to be content in all circumstances,” one pastor noted. “But he wasn’t paying $6 for a dozen eggs.”
In response to criticism, officials unveiled Phase Two of the plan: renaming recession concerns as “economic quiet time.” Citizens are encouraged to “embrace stillness” while their retirement accounts meditate downward.
At press time, the administration was reportedly considering a new slogan: ‘Build Back Better, But More Expensive.’
The good news? According to insiders, Americans may soon feel dramatically wealthier — once the government redefines what a dollar means.
After all, if reality is relative, then so is your grocery bill.
And nothing says prosperity like affording half of what you used to — but feeling twice as affirmed about it.
