THE GREAT HOSTAGE RECKONING
In less than a year, Trump has freed more Americans than Biden did during his entire term — which the left insists is “problematic.” Rumor has it CNN is preparing a documentary titled “When Freedom Hurts Feelings.”
DEMOCRATS DEMAND CAPTIVITY EQUITY
AOC proposed that for every hostage freed, one must volunteer to be recaptured “for balance.” Chuck Schumer nodded so hard his glasses fogged up.
MEDIA MELTDOWN MODE
MSNBC declared that Trump’s rescues were “deeply undemocratic” since none of the hostages voted to stay imprisoned. The New York Times blamed “toxic masculinity in the rescue process.”
BIDEN’S HOSTAGE COUNT STRUGGLES
Biden reportedly thought “hostage release” referred to a Netflix premiere. Kamala offered to “laugh diplomacy” them out but forgot the punchline.
MAGA MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Trump smiled, waved, and freed another one mid-interview. America cheered. Democrats fainted. Freedom wins again — and so does 47.
