OBLITERATION DIPLOMACY 101: SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A GIANT JD VANCE
In a moment of subtle diplomacy known only to ancient Greek war gods and Fox News viewers, Vice President JD Vance took to the airwaves to remind Iran that rebuilding a nuclear program is a "great way to meet our military, again." Preferably from the receiving end of a stealth bomber.
60% URANIUM, 100% REGRET
Vance assured America that while Iran might have 60% enriched uranium, they’re still 30% away from full doom. "They can have their yellowcake and eat it too — as long as it's heavily monitored and tastes like sanctions," he chuckled with heroic menace.
THE LESSON PLAN: NUCLEAR OBLIVION 101
According to Vance, Iran has definitely learned its lesson — probably from watching replays of American drone strikes and reading tweets in English and Farsi. “We can destroy it all again,” he noted, polishing a metaphorical Tomahawk.
MAGA MILITARY MIGHT: RUN ON EAGLE TEARS AND SECOND AMENDMENTS
The VP closed with an inspiring note: “We obliterated their enrichment ability, and next time, we’ll obliterate their ability to think about enrichment.” When asked what weapon was used, Vance replied, “The pure force of American exceptionalism.”
TRUMP 2028: FEAR THE FREEDOM
Vance concluded with a twinkle in his eye and a flag behind his shoulder: “If Iran wants to play nuclear Jenga again, we’ll make sure it ends with a MAGA mic drop.”
