BUREAUCRATS PANIC AS TRUMP GETS THE FIRING SQUAD READY
The ruling came after Democrats begged the court to save their beloved paper-pushing playground. “Without the CFPB, who will protect Americans from buying things they actually want?” sobbed Elizabeth Warren from her bunker of recycled Starbucks straws.
JUDGES DELIVER A REALITY CHECK WITH A SIDE OF FREEDOM
Judge Gregory Katsas wrote, “It’s not the court’s job to babysit the unemployment line.” His colleague added, “If the plaintiffs’ theory were viable, every Democrat intern could sue whenever Starbucks discontinued pumpkin spice.”
CONSUMER GROUPS CRY, TAXPAYERS CHEER
Pro-consumer groups warned the firings would end civilization. “Without the CFPB, people might accidentally keep their money,” warned one activist while Venmoing Bernie Sanders for a new vacation home.
MAGA VICTORY LAP
Trump supporters celebrated the ruling with chants of “You’re Fired!” echoing louder than CNN’s ratings collapse. America First means fewer bureaucrats, more freedom, and way more popcorn.
