[WASHINGTON, D.C.] — In a move sure to warm the hearts of centrists and provoke the fainting couches of hard-left activists, Alexandria Ocasio‑Cortez announced this week that she “fully welcomes Trump voters into our coalition.”
“It may sound crazy to some people,” AOC said in a video, while stirring a kale smoothie in pink-glow lighting, “but I want you—you, the Fox-News-watching, MAGA hat wearing, chicken-wing-eating voter—to know that we love you too.”
Sources report that the outreach is accompanied by a “Make-Over Your Political Identity” kit: complete with a reusable tote, sample progressive hashtags to chant, and free vegan snacks for first-time sign-ups. One smiling Trump-voter-turned-progressive told reporters: “I wasn’t sure how to enter the club… then they gave me a tote bag and a quinoa salad and I felt included.”
AOC acknowledged her past barbs — “Yes, I’ve called some of you uneducated about racism, guilty of this and that…” — but insisted that “today is a new day.”
The event has prompted various reactions. One MAGA loyalist asked: “Do I still keep my hat?” To which AOC allegedly replied: “Only if you wear it backwards while holding your kale smoothie.” A progressive activist countered: “Wait—they’re admitting those people? What about the purity test?”
In the end, the coalition pitch is less about policy and more about optics: a billboard showing AOC hugging a grinning middle-aged Trump voter, captioned: “Unity through snacks & social media.”
Final punchline: Because if you can’t win with ideas anymore, you might as well win with kale-smoothies and strategic outreach.
