ELON TRIES TO REBOOT DEMOCRACY LIKE A GLITCHY APP
Standing tall on Air Force 1’s tarmac like a MAGA Moses parting a sea of fake news, Trump took one look at Musk’s “America Party” and declared: “Ridiculous. Like electric toilets. Or vegan bacon.” Musk, meanwhile, tweeted his manifesto in emoji form and declared himself “The Technoking of the Ballot Box.”
A PARTY FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE PARTIES
Musk promised the America Party would be “post-partisan, AI-driven, and 100% self-driving.” Early members include libertarian crypto bros, one confused Tesla intern, and Grimes (maybe).
TRUMP’S DIAGNOSIS — ELON'S BRAIN "RUNS ON WINDOWS VISTA"
Trump told reporters, “Third parties never work. Ask the Green Party. Or Kanye.” He then suggested Elon name it “The Autistic Avengers.”
AMERICA PARTY UNVEILS PLATFORM — JUST A GIF OF A DOGE
The official policy positions include abolishing Congress and replacing it with polls on X, and making Dogecoin the new dollar. Kamala reportedly downloaded the party’s app. It crashed.
TRIUMPHANT PRO-MAGA CONCLUSION: TRUMP FLIES, ELON CRIES
As Trump soared into the sky aboard Air Force 1, he grinned: “Elon can play with his little app party. I’ll stick with the party that wins.”
