President Donald Trump clarified his latest foreign policy strategy Monday, explaining that dealing with Iran would be “basically the same thing as fixing your internet when it goes out.”
Speaking to reporters, Trump outlined a bold new doctrine he called “Strategic Router Reset,” which involves turning entire hostile regimes off and back on again to see if that helps.
“We’re going to unplug them, wait about ten seconds—maybe twelve, we’ll see—and plug them back in,” Trump said. “Works every time at Mar-a-Lago. Tremendous results.”
Military analysts scrambled to interpret the doctrine, with one Pentagon official cautiously admitting, “To be fair, we’ve tried everything else.”
The announcement comes amid rising tensions in the Middle East, where Trump has warned that key infrastructure could be targeted if negotiations fail. Critics immediately condemned the remarks as overly simplistic, though several admitted—off the record—that they had personally fixed major life problems using the exact same method.
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth (recently confirmed after a confirmation hearing that reportedly included push-ups) defended the plan.
“Look, complexity is overrated,” Hegseth said. “We’ve been doing ‘nuanced diplomacy’ for decades. Maybe it’s time to try something every American dad instinctively knows works.”
Meanwhile, members of the media expressed outrage that such a serious geopolitical issue was being compared to home internet troubleshooting.
“This trivializes war,” said one cable news anchor. “Also, if it works, we’re going to be very upset.”
International leaders responded with confusion. A spokesperson for Iran released a statement reading, “We are not a router,” followed by what experts described as “noticeable concern.”
In Europe, officials convened an emergency summit to determine whether they, too, could be accidentally unplugged.
Back home, voters appeared divided. Some praised the approach as refreshingly straightforward.
“Honestly, I’ve been saying this for years,” said Ohio resident Mark Talbot. “Have we tried turning the Middle East off and back on again?”
Others worried about unintended consequences.
“My Wi-Fi never comes back the same,” said one concerned voter. “What if Iran reboots with updates?”
Tech companies quickly entered the conversation, with one Silicon Valley CEO offering to “beta test regime resets using AI-powered cloud destabilization,” which no one fully understood but sounded expensive.
At press time, Trump was reportedly considering a follow-up strategy involving “blowing gently into the cartridge” if the first plan fails.
