BUSAN, SOUTH KOREA — President Donald Trump on Thursday declared “total victory for America” after meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping, unveiling what he called a “historic tariff cut” that would see rates drop from 20% to “a beautiful, round, very perfect ten.”
Officials later clarified that the adjusted range was technically between 45% and 47%, though the president insisted that “numbers are like polls — they go up, they go down, but I always win.”
During the summit, Xi reportedly agreed to resume U.S. soybean purchases and to “work very hard” to stop fentanyl exports, though Chinese officials stopped short of defining “very hard.” Trump praised the commitment as “the greatest anti-drug deal in world history, maybe ever.”
The White House celebrated the deal as proof that America’s economic strategy “works best when both sides are equally confused.”
At publishing time, Trump was reportedly considering awarding himself the Nobel Prize in Mathematics for “discovering patriotic subtraction.”
