Trump Announces “Bagram, Baby!” Plan; Taliban, Pakistan Respond With The Classic ‘Not Today’ Face

by: Editor-in-Chief
10/07/2025
Source: Zero Hedge
10/07/2025

President Trump with Army Officers by shealah_craighead is licensed under Flickr White House Flickr Public Domain

Intro: Bagram Dreams, Reality Check

Trump Reaffirms Return Plan — The Taliban Says “Hard Pass” And Pakistan Issues A Formal Scowl.

The Bribe Menu

US Might Bribe Its Way Back — “Monthly Payments, Unfrozen Funds, And Snacks,” reads the offer. (Yes, there’s talk of unfreezing $9.5B.)

Mineral Tinder

Afghanistan: $1 Trillion In Minerals, One Tiny Pickup Truck — America Swipes Right.

Pakistan, The Logistics Ex

Pakistan Releases A Statement With China, Iran, Russia — And Then Secretly Asks For A Railway. Logistics: “We’ll Help If You Fund The Train.”

Conclusion: Deal Or No Deal

A compromise could happen if everyone agrees to a weirdly friendly extortion package — but for now it’s geopolitics as reality TV. MAGA-style optimism still available by mail.

This content is a work of satire and parody. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Any opinions expressed in this content do not reflect the views of the author or publisher. In fact, they probably reflect the opposite of the views of the author or publisher. The purpose of this content is to entertain and possibly make you question the reality of the world around you. So please, don't take anything too seriously, unless it's the importance of a good laugh.