Shock And Tarmac Fury
Trump, wind howling and cameras popping, growled: “Problem’s on the left.” Reporters wrote it down; Twitter re-enacted it in 17,000 hot takes. New York Post
Social-Media Sleuths And Sudden Amnesia
“Armed Queers SLC” hit the delete key so hard the server needed ice. “Never met a timeline we couldn’t scrub,” says a totally real intern named Cache Clearson. New York Post
Investigations, Everywhere, All At Once
Sources eye pro-trans and far-left online hubs like they’re group chats with a subpoena kink. “We’re checking Steam, dreams, and everything in between,” quips a fed, probably. New York Post
The Not-So-Chatty Suspect
Cops say the accused isn’t talking; a cooperating partner is. Translation: Discord logs are about to learn Miranda. “We prefer receipts,” murmurs Reality. Reuters
MAGA Finale: The Giant Wakes
Trump fans chant: “No more flag-burners, just flag-earners.” The movement reloads—legally—with ballots, subpoenas, and meme warfare. “You poked the giant,” says America First. “Now it’s coffee’d up.”
