Opening Act: The Tease
The SSA Teased An Announcement On Oct. 15 And Then Suddenly Discovered The Joy Of Cliffhanger Endings — Seniors Are Now Subscribed To “Budget Drama Monthly.” Punchline: It’s cheaper than cable.
Bureaucracy On Break
BLS Staff Are Taking A Collective Nap, Which Experts Call “Furloughing” And Seniors Call “Extended Commercial.” Punchline: At least commercials tell you the time.
The Calculations That Aren’t
Officials Explain They Can’t Compute COLA Without The Inflation Numbers — Which Is Like Saying You Can’t Bake A Cake Without The Recipe, But You Can Still Smell The Oven. Punchline: Grandma’s stash of coupons remains undefeated.
Historical Callback
The Only Prior Delay Was 2013 — Proof That Washington Loves An Anniversary More Than A Solution. Punchline: They’re collecting delay stamps.
Finale: Triumphantly Obvious Solution
But Payments Continue — Because The Government Knows What Matters (Checks). Punchline: Democracy may stall, but the check cashes. MAGA Victory Lap: America Gets Its Benefits, And Patriots Get The Last Laugh.
