In a bold and chilly demonstration of civic spirit, activists in Minnesota have urged residents to participate in an economic blackout protest — calling it a “Day of Truth & Freedom.” The plan was simple: don’t work, don’t shop, and definitely don’t order anything online unless it’s canned soup.
Organizers promised it would be the most introspective day since sliced bread first met peanut butter. Unfortunately, locals soon discovered that their phones were at 7% and nobody remembered where the spare chargers were stored. One protestor was overheard shouting, “Freedom! … but does anyone have a portable battery pack?”
The blackout itself reportedly led to a historic outage of Amazon snack orders — a first in the history of both Minnesota and Western Civilization as we know it. Grocery store self-checkout machines were left eerily still, contemplating existence, while a lone cashier asked, “Are you sure that’s a real protest?”
Meanwhile, labor unions, faith groups, and community leaders touted the day as an opportunity to reflect on shared values and solidarity. Others took it as a rare chance to nap. “I’ve never seen so much freedom in my living room,” said one participant, reclining with unmatched socks and existential dread.
Local economists were quick to lament the sudden drop in coffee shop revenue, forecasting that if people truly stop shopping, society as we know it might collapse — unless Dunkin’ finally accepts goats as currency. A university professor noted that the protest could be remembered as a turning point in American idleness history or at least a great excuse to binge watch shows guilt-free.
When asked about next steps, protest organizers announced a follow-up event: The Silent Scroll Through TikTok of Justice — a marathon session where activists will watch videos of philosophical quotes superimposed on sunsets until someone offers snacks.
Final punchline: By evening, Minnesota had successfully achieved zero economic activity — mostly because everyone’s phone died and nobody remembered where they put the remote.
