Staff Cites 'Unforeseen Popularity' of Other Menu Items
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Expecting to be seated promptly at the head table she had reserved four years in advance, Vice President Kamala Harris was seen experiencing an awkward wait Tuesday evening at Le Démocrate Bleu, the trendy political bistro she personally helped launch to national acclaim in 2020. According to sources near the hostess stand, Harris was politely informed that her reservation had been given to “a more electable couple” who had just walked in.
The Vice President, who arrived presuming her role as co-creator of the current menu would guarantee her spot, was reportedly flummoxed when the maître d', a man bearing a striking resemblance to a nervous party strategist, refused to make eye contact while scrolling through a tablet.
“We are just so, so busy tonight,” the host, identified only as ‘David A.,’ was heard murmuring, gesturing vaguely at the bustling dining room. “There’s a certain… energy. A buzz for other patrons. We could maybe squeeze you in at a small table by the kitchen? The acoustics are terrible, but it is, technically, a seat.”
Witnesses report that Harris repeatedly pointed to her name in the reservation system, noting her official title and her key role in securing the restaurant’s initial five-star reviews. She is said to have produced a portfolio of receipts for her contributions, including early investments in key demographics and a signature ‘Word Salad’ appetizer that, while not universally loved, was a staple of the early menu.
A Menu of Discontent
The restaurant, known for its ambitious but inconsistently prepared dishes, has faced mixed reviews lately. Diners have complained that signature items like the ‘Build Back Better Bouillabaisse’ were sent back to the kitchen multiple times, and the ‘Student Debt Forgiveness Flambé’ was dramatically extinguished by a stuffy manager from the judicial branch.
“I’ve been a loyal customer for years,” said one patron wearing a faded ‘Hope’ t-shirt, “but the service has been a little unfocused. You order a bold, transformative vision for the country, and they bring you a lecture on the significance of Venn diagrams. It’s baffling.”
Meanwhile, other high-profile guests were being seated with considerable fanfare. Governor Gavin Newsom of California was reportedly whisked past the line to a VIP table with a view, while Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan was praised for her “solid, Midwestern appeal that really resonates with the heartland palate.”
“We appreciate everything the Vice President has done for this establishment,” the host explained to onlookers while seating a focus group from suburban Pennsylvania. “Her early work was foundational. But tastes change. The market is dynamic. Right now, the daily special is ‘Literally Anyone Else,’ and it’s flying out of the kitchen.”
An Indefinite Wait
Sources confirm the Vice President was offered a glass of lukewarm water and a basket of day-old breadsticks while management “figured something out.” She reportedly spent the next hour watching other, less-senior partners get seated ahead of her, occasionally laughing with a pained expression that did not quite reach her eyes.
“It is important to see what is possible, and to see it when it is happening, and to understand the capacity of all that we can be,” Harris was overheard saying to a busboy, who simply nodded and cleared away some empty glasses.
At press time, the Vice President was still waiting near the entrance, politely declining the coat check girl’s offer to validate her parking. The restaurant’s management had reportedly begun polling other diners on whether they’d feel more comfortable if someone else took her table permanently.
