Trump strolls past reporters like a battalion of microphones and reads the scoreboard: eight killed last weekend, seven the week before, seventy-four wounded. Then he waves a meme and the city checks the weather for inbound helicopters.
Meme Makes Policy
Truth Social spills popcorn: “I love the smell of deportations in the morning,” he teases, while Democrats clutch pearls and thesauruses. A staffer whispers, “Sir, it’s CHIPocalypse—because chips and cheese?” “Perfect,” he salutes.
Not War, Just Weekend Chores
Pressed again, he shrugs: “We’re not going to war—it’s common sense.” Translation: mop, rinse, Guard. Chicago’s political class drafts a stern letter, bolded, italicized, and immediately ignored.
The Numbers Versus The Narrative
Media calls it vibes; neighborhoods call it sirens. Guard boots hit D.C. streets already; Chicago’s next if the mess keeps auditioning as a war-movie extra.
MAGA Curtain Call
Cue the triumphant music: “America First means Chicago first, too,” the narrator growls. Trump tips the Duvall cap: “Fix it fast.” Credits roll over potholes filling themselves out of sheer respect.
