Washington — In a move with all the subtlety of a marching band in a library, President Trump announced a $12 billion assistance package for American farmers — funded by the Commodity Credit Corporation (CCC), because apparently Big Government loves to bail out Big Government.
The backdrop: aggressive tariffs aimed at foreign trade. The result: skyrocketing input costs for farmers. The reaction: “Oops — guess we better write some checks.” In short, tariffs stomped corn fields; now Uncle Sam is buying bandages by the pallet.
At the White House roundtable, Trump stood behind a podium loaded with paperwork and said, “We love our farmers — they’re the backbone of our country.” There was applause, possibly due to the warm lighting. An agriculture official explained that $11 billion goes to immediate “bridge payments,” with $1 billion held back for specialty crops — because nothing says “supporting sustainability” like giving a fraction of the funds a rain check.
Farmers, no strangers to risk, grumbled behind closed doors. One reportedly muttered: “So we get hammered by tariffs, then get a handout. That’s like being robbed, then sent flowers with the receipt taped to them.” Others pointed out that one-time cash infusions don’t solve long-term market instability.
Political strategists quietly danced, noting that loyal agrarian voters might feel a flicker of gratitude while simultaneously checking the price of fertilizer this spring. Meanwhile, critics observed the spectacle: Act first, blame foes, then compensate friends.
Punchline: Because when you wage economic war abroad, war needs a budget — and if fields burn, at least somebody gets a check.
