Trump's Shutdown Slimdown: Administration Announces Nationwide Spring Cleaning — Expect Fewer Paperclips, Fewer Bureaucrats

  • by:
  • Source: Fox News
  • 10/02/2025

Intro: Shutdown Surprise Party

The Midnight Deadline Came, And So Did The Dramatic Threat To “Cut Vast Numbers” — Which Sounds Like A Yard Sale For Federal Employees. “We’re Just Decluttering Washington,” A Source Allegedly Said While Holding A Label Maker.

The Great Layoff Bake Sale

Officials Promised Efficiency; Critics Promised Op-Ed Columns. One Imaginary Memo Suggested Replacing Agencies With A Single App — It Has Twelve Buttons, None Of Which Work.

The Obamacare Cliffhanger

Democrats Fume Over Subsidies; Republicans Fume Over Fuming Democrats. “We’re Not Funding Clipboards For Noncitizens,” An Aide Allegedly Announced, While A Clip Art Of America Threw Up Its Hands.

Bureaucracy Goes On Hiatus

Thousands Might Be Laid Off, Or Given “Voluntary Administrative Sabbaticals” — Also Known As Being Told To Water Their Desk Plants At Home.

Conclusion: Victory Lap With A Hole Puncher

Shutdown Or Not, The Punchline’s Clear: Less Red Tape, Fewer Red Tape Jobs — And More Room For Common Sense (And Common-Sense Hats). MAGA Forever — And Pass Me The Hole Puncher.

This content is a work of satire and parody. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Any opinions expressed in this content do not reflect the views of the author or publisher. In fact, they probably reflect the opposite of the views of the author or publisher. The purpose of this content is to entertain and possibly make you question the reality of the world around you. So please, don't take anything too seriously, unless it's the importance of a good laugh.
United States Capitol building by Caleb Fisher is licensed under Unsplash unsplash.com
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