Shock Intro
Trump, between bites with tech titans, saluted RFK Jr.: “Different is good; the same broke everything.” Democrats fainted on cue.
Senate Theater, No Popcorn
Wyden wagged a finger: “Children in harm’s way!” RFK Jr. deadpanned, “Your way got them here.” Audible pearl clutching.
The Vaccine Vaudeville
A reporter cited Cassidy: “We’re denying vaccines!” RFK Jr. replied, “We’re denying autopilot. Try informed consent.” The press searched for its teleprompter.
CDC Musical Chairs
On firings, RFK Jr.: “New blood beats old spin.” An ex-bureaucrat begged, “But we laminated the memos!”
Triumphant MAGA Button
Trump grinned: “Not standard talk—finally.” JD Vance reviewed the hearing: “Rated F—for Full Of—well, you heard.” America First, politics last.
