Ever since the dramatic capture and extradition of Nicolás Maduro and his wife to New York, the Biden–Trump Joint Operations Era has unveiled a bold new foreign-policy pivot: international diplomacy via TikTok dances. Sources say the administration determined that “serious negotiations” had grown stale, so now global peace will be brokered with synchronized choreography and trending sound bites.
In a press briefing that felt more like a halftime show, a senior adviser explained, “When words fail, the Dougie will prevail.” Reporters were shown a PowerPoint slide revealing that every peace treaty going forward will begin with a viral dance routine — preferably set to the Chicken Dance Remix 2026. One official whispered, “If you can’t capture hearts with diplomacy, capture them with the Floss.”
World leaders reportedly trained for hours — Angela Merkel was spotted mastering the renegade, while Vladimir Putin perfected the worm. China’s representative, struggling with the “woah,” allegedly declared it “a threat to national stability” before accidentally inventing a new move called the Red Dragon Slide.
Critics of the plan are baffled. A constitutional law professor sniffed, “It’s one thing to redefine national security, but when the peace process is judged by likes and shares?” Of course, critics said this while stifling laughter and checking their own follower counts. Meanwhile, the State Department has promised serious negotiations will resume right after the “Global Peace Challenge” goes viral.
At press time, a tweet from the NSC read: “Maduro and Trump just dropped a duet to ‘Uptown Funk’ — world peace trending worldwide. #DiplomacyDanceOff.” Bravo, America — turning world governance into a dance craze, one groove at a time.
