Intro: The Great U.N. Bus Tour
Trump Declares The U.N. Is Funding An “Assault” — Which Sounds Less Like Diplomacy And More Like A Refund Policy Gone Rogue. Punchline: Someone Mixed Up The Grants With Groupon.
The Cash Assistance Mystery
He Cites $372 Million In “Cash Assistance” For Migrant Travel — Which Is Either Generous Or The World’s Saddest Travel Agency. Punchline: Comes With Free Luggage Stickers.
Debit Cards And Destination Unknown
Food, Shelter, Transportation And Debit Cards, He Says — A U.N. Concierge For People Who Prefer Adventure Over Visas. Punchline: Concierge Hotline Open 24/7; On Hold For Eternity.
Europe’s “Oh No” Moment
Trump Warns Europe Has Been “Invaded” — Which, In His Words, Is Like Leaving Your Door Unlocked And Filing For A Zoning Change. Punchline: Mayor Khan Now Selling “I Survived The Cultural Shift” T-Shirts.
Conclusion: Border Control, But Make It Triumphant
He Finishes With A Call To Reassert That Countries Belong To Their People — A Rallying Cry Dressed Up As Common Sense. Punchline: Next Week He Proposes Thermostats For Sovereignty. MAGA Mic Drop.
