When former president and current global deal-maker Donald Trump took the stage at the World Economic Forum to launch his new “Board of Peace,” the crowd expected diplomacy and maybe a catered cheese plate. What they didn’t expect was an international body designed to solve every problem known to mankind — from territorial disputes to arguments about who left their socks in the dryer.
“We are going to make peace great again,” Trump declared, loosely paraphrased by someone in the press tent who had a very strong coffee. “Not just peace between countries — peace within laundromats. Because let’s face it: nobody needs that level of chaos at 8 p.m. on laundry night.”
The Board of Peace, which reportedly includes representatives from 19 countries (and one intern who brings everyone coffee), has already been assigned its first cases: the disputed international boundary of whose turn it was to take out the recycling in Brussels, and ongoing tensions between Seattle and Portland over artisanal toast tariffs.
Critics — which conveniently includes every diplomat from Western Europe — grumbled that the Board might replace the United Nations, or worse, decide that all formal diplomacy should happen via TikTok dances. Trump, however, smiled and suggested that perhaps a synchronized routine incorporating the floss and “Macarena” could finally get the Middle East to vibe together.
When asked whether Russia’s Vladimir Putin might join, Trump replied that Putin is very welcome — provided he can beat Trump in board games like Settlers of Catan and Candy Land. Analysts were left to wonder if “winning world peace” now includes monopoly money negotiations.
Meanwhile, back home, a think tank released a study suggesting the Board’s first mission should be “Resolving Long-Standing Grievances Over Who Ate the Last Slice of Pizza.” The report concluded that universal peace is only possible after full pizza restitution and a formal apology from Dave in accounting.
Final punchline: Sources say Trump’s Board of Peace plans to host weekly sessions called “Therapy Thursdays,” where world leaders and internet trolls alike can finally air grievances — beginning with why autocorrect insists on changing “peace” to “peas.”
