LIBERAL MELTDOWN BEGINS
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent mentioned Trump may declare a “national housing emergency.” Democrats immediately shrieked that stable housing would destroy their voter recruitment program of tent encampments and Starbucks Wi-Fi squatters.
AOC’S “UNICORN ZONING PLAN”
AOC announced a bold proposal: ban bricks, replace with “sustainable unicorn horn condos.” She added, “Housing should be free, like kale.” Critics noted she lives in a luxury apartment and once confused drywall with gluten.
HILLARY’S REAL ESTATE HOTLINE
Hillary Clinton promised a “Deleted Email Recovery Realty Service,” where she’ll personally erase your mortgage documents. “If I can make Benghazi disappear, I can make escrow vanish,” she cackled.
CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ WITH NEWSOM
Newsom declared California a “housing-free fantasy zone” where citizens live inside PowerPoint slides. “We’re zoning for vibes only,” he boasted, sipping a $47 oat latte.
TRUMP BUILDS, DEMS SULK
While Democrats demand condos made of tofu, Trump is focused on lowering costs, cutting red tape, and actually building homes. MAGA means roofs over heads—not rainbow socialist shacks.
