AUSTIN, TX — Tesla shareholders will vote Thursday on a $1 trillion pay package intended to ensure CEO Elon Musk continues showing intermittent interest in the company.
The proposal, hailed as the largest in corporate history, would give Musk roughly 12% more of Tesla if he somehow finds time between launching rockets and tweeting to make the company worth $8.5 trillion.
Tesla board chair Robyn Denholm said the package was “vital to keeping Elon focused,” warning that without it, he might get distracted by his other side projects such as “space travel, AI domination, or reinventing comedy.”
Denholm added that the trillion-dollar offer is “a fair, performance-based way to bribe him to care.”
Shareholders reportedly expressed confidence that Musk would achieve the ambitious targets, noting his proven ability to manipulate both markets and the collective attention span of the internet.
At publishing time, sources confirmed Musk was already considering using the bonus to purchase Delaware and “fix the court system personally.”
