In a turn of events that confounded linguists, educators, and glacier-enthusiasts alike, a West Chicago elementary teacher was placed on administrative leave this week after posting the heartfelt two-word message “Go ICE!” on social media — sparking outrage, tears, and a new district-wide curriculum plan titled “Feelings About ICE: Navigating Emotions One Acronym at a Time.”
Local parent organizer Maribel Gómez explained, “We just want our children to grow up in a safe environment — and when someone says ‘Go ICE,’ we don’t know if they mean Immigration and Customs Enforcement, or the frozen kind that makes lemonade cold.” These concerns prompted the board to panic-buy every emotion card set available on Amazon.
At an emergency meeting, trustees unanimously voted to scrap math for the week so students could engage in “guided reflection circles,” where they learned how to distinguish between supportive slogans and good old-fashioned crunchy ice. One fifth-grader was overheard asking, “Does love of crushed ice make me a nationalist?” prompting an immediate board memo on labeling condiments.
The teacher in question — known to colleagues as “Mr. Frosty” — defended his statement as “an enthusiastic salute to a federal agency I believe in.” When asked if his next post might be “Go NASA!” he reportedly replied, “Only if they launch feelings into orbit.”
School Board President Harriet Snowcone unveiled the new curriculum, noting, “Children must now learn not just what words mean, but which version of meaning is presently acceptable so that no one — especially toddlers — feels ‘triggered by alphabets.’” Parent-teacher focus groups have since produced enlightening modules like:
- ICE: The Slippery Butterfly of Public Discourse
- Cold Hard Facts vs. Warm Fuzzy Feelings
- Making Lemonade Without Offending Lemon Minorities
In a related development, the district announced it will soon install a cryotherapy chamber in every classroom so students can literally “chill out” after grappling with controversial acronyms. “Nothing says emotional resilience like sub-zero temperatures,” one administrator quipped.
Final Punchline: And while students master the difference between solid and symbolic ice, the only thing left totally unclear is whether anyone still understands what “GO ICE!” actually meant in the first place.
