Intro: A Department By Any Other Name Would Smell Like Victory
Pete Hegseth Announces The Pentagon Is Now The Department Of War — And No, That’s Not A Typo.The crowd at Quantico reportedly applauded and asked where to sign up for war-themed yoga.
Peace Through Branding
He Cites Vegetius And St. Augustine, Then Clarifies You Can’t Cite Those Guys If Your Fitness Test Is Soft. “If You Want Peace, Prepare For A Really Intense PT Test,” he apparently joked between citations.
The 1990 Test (And The 1990 Haircuts)
Policy Must Be Judged Against 1990 Standards — When Radios Were Loud And Standards Were Louder. Expect fewer memos, more push-ups, and mandatory cassette mixtapes.
The E-6 Test (Also Called The Squad Leader’s Eye Roll)
All New Rules Must Help The Squad Leader — Or Else They End Up Doing Paperwork While An Enemy Googles Them. Leadership: now with fewer PowerPoints.
Conclusion: Back To Basics — And Back To Bravado
Strip Away “Politics,” Restore Grit, Win Wars, Then Write A Grateful Op-Ed About It. If Peace Is The Goal, The Plan Is Simple: Make Everyone So Ready For War They Accidentally Guarantee Peace — And Then Pose For A Victory Photo With An Honest Sign That Says “Department Of War.” MAGA-style triumphant mic drop.
