Musk Resigns Via Tweet, Smoke Signal, and Neuralink Pulse
Musk simultaneously posted his resignation on X, fired it into orbit via SpaceX, and allegedly whispered it into a prototype brain chip. “Government too slow. Need to go fast. Like, Ludicrous Mode fast,” he wrote.
White House Interns Rejoice: No More Random Drills at 3AM
Sources say Musk had implemented a “daily innovation challenge” where interns were forced to design moon bases out of White House furniture. “We just want to go back to copying press releases,” said one trembling aide.
Trump Issues Classic Farewell: 'Good Guy. Bit Weird. Great Hair.'
In a statement, President Trump said, “Elon did big things. Yuge things. We didn't always understand what he was doing, but he seemed confident. Like me, but with rockets.” He added, “Might hire Tony Stark next.”
Musk Returns to Tesla, Mars, Crypto, and Memes
Back in his natural habitat of chaos and carbon fiber, Musk is already testing a new crypto—DogeTrumpCoin—and claims it's “backed by tweets and caffeine.” His plan to colonize Mars by 2028 is back on schedule, pending a Wi-Fi booster.
